Friday, September 29, 2006

The Animation Cat

The Animation Cat

The Four Cats:

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer,
the second man was an Accountant,
the third man was a Chemist......and
the fourth man was an Animation Artist.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat,"T-square, do your stuff."

T-square pranced over to the desk, took out a pen and paper and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

The Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff."

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.

Everyone agreed that was good.

The Chemist saying his could do better, called his cat......

"Measure, do your stuff."

Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Animation Artist and said,

"What can your cat do?"

The Animation Artist called his cat and said, "WorkTime, do your stuff"

WorkTime jumped to his feet......

ate the free doughnuts.......

drank some coffee.......

surfed on the web..............

read some comic books...........

claimed he wasn't getting any work done here..............

and went home for the rest of the day an hour early.............

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Super Deep Thought.....

Friday, September 22, 2006

Real American Genius

Miss Late Night Softcore Porn Writer

Bud Light presents: Real American Genius
(real American genius)
Today we salute you Miss Late Night Softcore Porn Writer
(Miss Late Night Softcore Porn Writer)
Although not considered a 'real' writing gig, you act as if your piece of work is worthy of staying up late and figuring out 'interesting plot points'.
(Hey, whats with all this talking!)
You don't need a writing degree when you can just write the word sex, and that should take care of at least 20 minutes of a 30 minute episode
(I don't need to finish college!)
Without you, real writers would have no one to look down upon or have something to watch, real late at night - alone
(I bet my boss is watching this!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, scribe of the late night wank, because in your case, writing about sex, is far more satisfying than having it
(Miss Late Night Softcore Porn Writer)

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Super Deep Thought.....

The Book of Sam

Once upon a time, not so long ago, there was a country who was picked on by its "friends". Picked on relentlessly. Being such a wimpy country, it did not retaliate when picked upon. The country just sat there and took it .... like a bitch. Another country in a galaxy far far away took pity on this one. A great country who was far more intelligent and always sought to do good. It could've retaliated for this country, but this country needed to stand up for itself. So, the great country presented this sorry excuse for one, with a means to retaliate once and for all. It was called:


Thursday, September 14, 2006

Real American Genius

Miss Act B Storyboard Gal

Bud Light presents: Real American Genius
(real American genius)
Today we salute you Miss Act B Storyboard Gal
(Miss Act B Storyboard Gal)
Most people want the excitement of Act C or the intrigue of Act A, you prefer the sleeping pill known as Act B
(I'm getting sleepy now!)
Who needs excitement or intrigue when you've got key and not so key background information to reveal
(I didn't know she used to be a dude!!)
Without you, a standard animated show would just be one long 12 minute mindless brawl
(I don't know whats going on here?!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light oh mistress of mostly just talking heads, because boarding mindless violence is easy, but boarding mindless dialogue, now thats a challenge
(Miss Act B Storyboard Gal)

*DISCLAIMER: This is just a joke. I have the utmost respect for all board artist because, well .. I can't board. This is just in fun and I mean no disrespect to any of you. Hey, I'm just repeating what Sam told me about Act B board artist.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006


Okay, yes, three people would make it a triangle, I admit that. But I was thinking more of a ....a ... a round table sort of atmosphere here. Like the one they had in those King Ralph stories .....

Its like a circle of friends or the circle of honor or a circle of ..... mushrooms ..... never mind the mushroom part, but you get where I'm going! So its more like a state of mind than its literal sense when I call it THE CIRCLE. C'mon people! You need to start thinking outside the box!!

Hey, we would've had a fourth member, but Wendy said she'd only join if we made her the leader and that we'd have to have badges or something like that. First of all, that just seemed like too much work with the badges and what-not and besides, no chick is going to lead THE CIRCLE! Although, Glenn does come close to being one ....

But, we are not opposed to having women join the circle ... actually, we encourage that! We already have enough guys!

Nancy was part of THE CIRCLE at one point. But she handed us a resignation letter half an hour later. She said it would've been sooner but she had to do stuff for Alan first. Although, I don't think that you're allowed to sign as the witness and the person resigning on the same resignation letter....

And Vera just laughed at us ........ a lot ..... and it wasn't that "ha ha you guys are funny" sort of laugh, it was more like "you guys are such losers" type of laugh.
She's just being mean 'cause she's old ..... and wrinkly! Ha!

In conclusion, IT IS A CIRCLE!

BTW .... since when does Sam ever have "a point"? Thats just crazy talk!

Friday, September 08, 2006

The Circle (Formerly The Wong Circle)

(Identities will remain anonymous - 'cause we're secret like that. Photos represent an uncanny likeness to individual members. Its almost as if we're looking in a mirror)

Our so called "Leader"

The "Muscle"

The ...... "Crazy One"

Found This .....

Y'all didn't know Art Lee and I are in a band that plays traditional/ futuristic/ industrial Irish music, acoustically! Come down and hear us play! Old favorites like "You Smell The Way You Look" and "3rd Grade Justice"! And new hits like "Face It, You're Ugly" and "Twisty Words: The Ballad of Sammy Liu (Room 3124 remix)" So come down and join the party, because its always a party at one of our concerts! We always party like its 1999! ... 'cept its 2006! Just bring the peanut butter 'cause we got the JAM!!!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Last Day

Went to Norwich. Pronounced "No Rich". Bummer for anyone named Rich I suppose.

Surprisingly quiet and non-touristy town. The only area of activity was the shopping area next to the castle.

It was a very nice relaxing day. Also, we had a whole first class car all to ourselves on the train. Nothing to do but relax and look back to what I've learned on this trip ........

All Irish girls DO NOT have red hair. Not any I could see .... heh, heh, heh ..

Scottish smoked salmon goes right through me ....... well it does!

At McDonalds, gratuity is included in their prices. WTF!

Pakistanis and Indians are referred to as Asians in the U.K. While the Chinese and Japanese are referred to as the Chinese and Japanese. Its a bit confusing but you get used to it.

I'm convinced that Dublin, York and ... well, lets say every city, was planned by drunks.

Sheep and cattle have the right of way .... unless I'm driving.

Listening to Chinese and Japanese speak with a British accent is just darn creepy to me. Its almost like a "friendly and likeable" A.P. ..(shudders) ...

Not all cobblestone roads in small towns are meant to have vehicular traffic on them ..... hey, at least I didn't hit anyone!

Flashing your passport and emphasizing the title "United States of America" does not get you to the front of the queue (line)!

You cannot choose which security personnel to pad you down even if you stand right infront of her.

All in all it was a fun trip and I recommend everyone to travel there at least once in your life!

Friday, September 01, 2006

Day 15 (Tuesday)

Stayed in London today.

Went to the London Dungeon today. All crap.

It was too dark in there. You really couldn't see the displays plus they rush you through it anyway. There's this little boat ride you take. It takes you into a dark room and all you hear is a narration then they take your picture that blinds you for a bit. Then the ride is over. Canterbury Tales was soooo much better ...

Went to St.Pauls. Crap also.

It used to be free to enter, now they charge 10 pounds (20 U.S. dollars).

Went to go eat dinner at Pizza Hut. We should've know this was going to be bad. The place was packed and all we saw was one poor girl waiting on everyone. But we decided to stay because .... FREE REFILLS ON DRINKS! (they don't have free refills here). Waited until our legs were rested then got up and left. The guy at the front asked us if something was wrong and I told him no, but that he should really get an f'n clue.

So we ended up at McDonalds. Where we won these Coke drinking glasses! McDonalds, I'm lovin' it ...

Day 14 ( Monday)

Went back to York today.

Walked along the Norman wall that surrounds the central area of York. No guard railing what-so-ever that would protect you from a high drop. Saw a guy in a wheelchair along the wall also. Thought "HOW THE F DID HE GET A WHEELCHAIR ON THE WALL??!!"

Saw the York Museum this time. It looked like a Parliament building, but went in anyway. I think that rule only applies to Ireland (see previous post)

The lawn in front of the museum entrance was full of geese lounging around. I got to the entrance and noticed my camera's batteries running low. While changing the batteries I didn't realize I kept the automatic sliding doors from closing. I also didn't realize I let two geese enter the entrance/ gift shop area. The poor ladies working there freaked out a bit, the kids were laughing and all excited and I pretended I was browsing for postcards .......

Day 12 (Sunday)

Visited Canterbury today.

I wanted to visit the chocolate factory first. My wife said, thats Cadbury not Canterbury. I was bummed the whole day.

Again another town where the biggest structure was their Cathedral. After a while all their Cathedrals look the same. Again I got lost down in their crypt area. Again nothing unusual showed up in my photos. And again I was reminded no photography was allowed anywhere in the cathedral. So I was 3 for 3 - again.

Went to the Canterbury Tales visitor attraction. It had cutting edge animatronics .... if you were living the the late 50s early 60s! At one point noise from the slide projector drowned out the narration. Other parts had cardboard cut outs pop up and tell you a story. In one area there was just static and the best was when this statue of a chicken fell out of the tree and fell into the "pond". But since the "pond" was just the floor painted blue, the chicken's head broke off - AWESOME!

Day 12 (Saturday)

Went to York today.

I've been to the "New" one so I figure I'll go see the "old" one.

I thought Dublin was planned poorly, but York makes Dublin less confusing.

Saw York Minster. I like these towns where the largest structure is usually their place of worship. The largest structure in my home town is the clock tower in the shopping center. Not the same.

This place is huge. I got lost in the crypt area. Don't ask me how. But I decided to take photos down there hoping "something" would show up in the pictures. Nothing showed up and I was reminded by security that photography was not allowed anywhere in the minstrel.

Went to Clifford's tower. Here's what its famous for: the early Christians would take all the Jews into this tower and then kill them all. And now its a tourist attraction ....

We took a short cut through this field. Wondered why no one was doing the same. Found out that the field was covered in doggie poo everywhere! No one curbs their dog here!

Got to the tower and you had to walk up this massive flight of steps to get to the entrance. Back then they made steps steeper than they are today. So I got to the top and found out it cost 5 pounds or 10 U.S. dollars! Thought "F THIS!" and walked my ass down that long flight of steps again ... couldn't they have posted the price at the bottom!?

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