Saturday, January 06, 2007

Movie Review

I'll be reviewing the movie FANTASTIC FOUR RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER
..........from just the trailer I've seen.

The movie starts off nice and happy with a wedding. The bride is a Latina hottie and the groom is a much older white guy. Just a few years ago a marriage like that would be frowned upon. The age difference was at least 20 years. I applaud that move by the film creators, but not the guy she's marrying. I felt it should be a Hawaiian guy, who's working in animation ...... but that is me, I mean, just me.

In the wedding audience is the bride's gay brother and the grooms deformed friend. He must've had some really bad liver disease because he was all orange which everyone knows, is worse than turning yellow. He also had bad skin. Very flaky and dry. This guy just can't get a break with the liver disease and bad skin. But he seemed happy that his buddy was 'tying the knot', finally. It was a good mixture of undesirables.

Then everything goes crazy! Just like life itself! One minute you're happy, then a guy on a silver surfboard comes whizzing by! Or when Lauren orders something without cheese on the menu! or when New Frontiers finally gets on schedule! I mean crazy stuff like that!

Anyway, the board he was riding looked like a grandpa longboard, probably a 9-0 or maybe 10-0, no fins, straight rails. This guy could maneuver his stick without fins - which is crazy! Only a Hawaiian could do that. This silver guy must've been Hawaiian, what else could he be?.

Anyway, when he saw this, the gay guy became flamin'... no literally he was flamin' ..... I mean, yes he was, but also in the sense that he was covered in flames. So he chased after the silver Hawaiian guy. Probably to harass him like all haoles do. Little did he know that the silver guy could go through stuff. Thats an ancient Hawaiian technique.

In the end the Hawaiian guy had enough of the flamin' guy and he got him in a chokehold, took him up into the atmosphere and killed him. Not much of a fight, but thats what happens when you mess with a Hawaiian.

He eventually went back to earth and married that Latina hottie. After seeing him ride his board like that, she forgot about the older white guy and decided to marry the Silver Hawaiian Surfer.

They eventually started a surf shop and named it ..... yeah, you guessed it .. Quicksilver.

The End.

It was a surprisingly short movie. But, I'm glad the Hawaiian guy came out on top.

I give it 4 stars just because they had a Hawaiian in the movie.

FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER

Comments:
Nice review. But I think you're getting the Silver Surfer's ethnicity (and sex) wrong.

Driving like a crazy person, on the wrong side of traffic (upside-down at one point), destroying private and public property as she goes, so cheap as to not pay money when she goes through the toll bridge - it's so obvious that she's a female Asian driver.

It's so obvious that they should rename the movie accordingly:

"Rise of the Female Asian Wrecking Ball"

I beg you to take this down, Vim. Please stop perpetuating the stereotype.
 
Good for people to know.
 
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