Monday, August 07, 2006

Moving Pictures

I watched THE HILLS HAVE EYES this weekend. Its about some poor white family getting terrorized by mutated humans in the New Mexico desert.

Yeah its a love story.

That is if you love crappy horror-slasher movies. Look I had a rental coupon for $1.99 for any movie, and since BENCHWARMERS was rented, I brilliantly picked this one.

I thought if you lived in a radiation abundant area, you'd, well, die. Not these folks. Apparently radiation makes you a cannibal. It makes you resistant to gunshot wounds - even to the throat. And it gives you super strength, of course. All this for these people anyway. One guy looked like that deformed person in the Goonies and I'm not talking about the bad guy's mom. For most of us, we would lose our hair, have burns all over our body and have uncontrollable projectile vomiting..... none of these seem like powers to me. There is a wide gap between whats new mutant powers and ............symptoms.

But, in all fairness to these folks being cannibals, there were no grocery stores nearby and there are no animals around because of that radiation thing, so the only abundant food source are unsuspecting tourists. Unsuspecting white tourist!

I wondered, instead of this poor family, what if people from my work place were put in this situation. Lets see .... what if it were, me, Wendy, Sammy (again trying to keep his anonymity), Lauren, Brandon and lets say ........that tiny cleaning lady that doesn't speak a lick of English. Okay, we're in the middle of the New Mexico desert, our vehicle doesn't work and we're miles from any gas station. Also, we don't know where we are because we let that cleaning lady drive because she's used to being in a van.

Anyway, Sammy would die first. He'd try to run but those lungs aren't cooperating that much because of all that nicotine its lined with. So he wouldn't get far and he'd be easy pickings for those mutants. But they wouldn't eat him right away, they'd probably store him somewhere for a special occasion. For these folks, you only eat Chinese if its a birthday or some anniversary.

Brandon would die next. He'd try to run to. He'd get farther but then he'd pull a muscle, or get a cramp because of the desert heat then the mutants would have him. He'd be more of an appetizer because there's not much meat on him.

Lauren wouldn't die at first. She'd be the one who brings the mutants to us because she's the noisiest. But they wouldn't kill her. That big mutant in the movie would keep her as a pet. Something he could hold, and pet, and call it "George". Something like that. But they'd eventually kill her because they couldn't grasp the concept of "sarcasm" ............. and they'd realize she wasn't that porn star ...........

Wendy would die. But at least she'd take most of them with her. All the while she'd be screaming "You killed my Sammy! - You bastards" .....................
......... yeah, it could happen that way .........

The tiny cleaning lady would eventually die because I'd throw her to the last mutant. Since he'd been f'd up by Wendy, he's gonna need nourishment and while he's chowing on her, I'd bash him over the head with a rock ... or two ... or several.

Yup, I'd be the only one to survive because I'm from Hawaii. One thing Hawaii people know how to do is survive ........... in the desert .....................
......... whatever .......

In conclusion go see TALLADEGA NIGHTS THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY.

Comments:
Personally, I think Sam's death would go more like this:
Mutant people go after Sam. We tell Sam to hit them with the axe. Sam won't hit them because he doesn't want to hurt them, he would feel bad. Sam gets eaten.
 
well ron....er "Vim", i agree it would be most likely that lauren would be the one who starts the whole mess. they might be doing stuff like picking flowers or even trying to help us out with our van and ms. mongomery would do something brilliant like say (in her southern drawl)"hey mutie guy, why is your eye all wierd and droopy? are you retarded?" then begins our deaths.

if by your "hawaiian survival instincts", you mean, trip your friends and push them into the mutants then hide, then i suppose you are correct ... good job er....Vim.
 


بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم عميلنا العزيز نحن نقدم افضل خدمات تنظيف المجالس والشقق بافضل انواع

التنظيفات المشهود لها عالميا
شركة تنظيف مجالس بالطائف
شركة تنظيف مجالس بجازان
شركة تنظيف مجالس بحائل
ونحن فى خماتكم 24 ساعة على مدار الشهر

 
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